My Terf Origin Story

The Battle that Chose Me!

Most terfs have their “ Peak Trans Story”, myself on the other hand I just really believe that I was born to oppose this and thus I have from the start.

I can’t remember when I was 1st exposed to “trans” through the lesbian community that very quickly started to prey on the butches around me & was later to decimate our community completely. Luckily by then I had already been through my own coming out / self discovery/ acceptance journey. That forced me to develop such thick protective skin around the new found Pride I have formed as old school butch dyke & anti conformist Goth that I found even the concept of it all offensive to my very core.

Even in my earliest memories where I struggled with the desire to be given the privileges society (especially my Cuban American household) affords boys. I knew that my “femaleness” wasn’t the problem & that I had no desire to become one of them. Yes I was a big lil tomboy who got punished for playing in the mud unlike my bothers or male cousins, becuz I was the 1 forced into the yellow dress my grandmother made just for me that I would cry about (which I now have a whole different appreciation of knowing she sewn that for me out of love).  Yes growing up I idolized my father who in every other way I wanted to be like ,  & yes I knew very well that had I been born a boy I would of been speared all the bullying/abuse I had faced in school as well as in my home for being gay. However even in my 1st thoughts on the matter I simply felt boys were gross & just knew not only was the fact was I was a girl, but that there wasn’t an ounce of penis envy in me.

I did see myself as different from my other peers the boys & girls as I didn’t quite fit in to expected gender roles. Yet I was always on team girl even if I was a misfit among my own. I never felt this was a particularly bad thing I had to fix within me (as I knew I would of been praised for these very same qualities if I had been born a boy) which logically I knew was simply unfair. I always saw the problem for what it was as a societal one that needed to change. I saw this as a great injustice. 1 yes during childhood I had to endure. Still I grew up with great hope that society itself was slowly but indefinitely on the right path.

Now looking back I can only say this belief was naive & very short sighted. At that time all I saw was progress and I took pride in my community working for that future I very much wanted to play my part in. Not to say I ever got a break from the homophobia or misogyny that was rampant in my life and was still everywhere in our culture around me. Just that women’s right & gay rights were winning some important battles and the attitudes had soften up opening doors for women in the workplace, and it was just a matter of time till I would too have the legal right to marry a woman if & when I so choice too.

Plus did I mention I got both to go to & later host a gay prom? There was a thriving gay community where the policy was “it get better” & I very much was invested in all of that ! How I wish now we could all go back to those days before progressive got as toxic as it’s now regressive.

But I can’t stay I didn’t see this where we are at today coming. I did & in many ways I regret taking part in the very culture that lead to trans taking our my community. Like the song Blurred lines there was a fine line between running a drag king show as a butch lesbian who wanted to create space where women like myself could be celebrated as kings & break gender norms of what is expected of us as lesbian women putting on a drag show to celebrate Pride in who we are, and ultimately sending out the wrong message that we couldn’t have or create this as women for ourselves! That being a butch or any sort of gender bending woman actually means you should pretend to be a man or that you are if you live your drag king act out full time. Nope I realized within my own troupe which direction this was all going. Because more & more the young lesbian women around me were obsessed with the concept of passing nor was it even for  show anymore. More & more my friends were calling me by my stage name. I cringed as those in my circle who knew me personally started forgetting my name is Yvette & stopped using it. It was ok if they were part of my drag troupe or only knew me from my shows, but Jeff or JD came about from years of dating closeted women. It was the name I created to send my 1st gf flowers (since there was a long line of Jeff’s in her family tree) or for my then current gf to use when she would talk about me even to others who knew me as we would both pretend at work she was dating my imaginary brother. I had even found a cool automatic shirt I would wear all the time w/Jeff on my name tag, but still it bothered me what was my ironic inside joke & stage creation started erasing the reality who I am as a person to so many. So much so I was once again invisible.

More and more online and off people just started assuming I was trans. Yes I had already a long history of people mistaking me for a teenage boy as I was a rather androgynous butch lesbian woman. But these were people who already knew me & knew I was a lesbian. Other butch lesbians around me called me up after the movie Boys don’t Cry came out apologizing to me crying because of how hard it must be to be me. Even shirtless photos I posted on butch-femme.com had lesbian women convinced I must of had top surgery simply because I was that stick thin & maybe a double a in cup size. Even my mother during this time started calling me her son just to hide my homosexuality from her coworkers who would visit the apt we shared with my gf. I was being erased and transed without ever taking any sort of hormones or deciding to troon out on my own. And if it didn’t disturb me enough at this point very soon I was going to be.

I began witnessing the changes among my peers especially the drag kings. Our shows became competitions and imaginary dick measuring about who passes better went on which to me took away from the fun and artistry of putting on such a show. I was watching as drag acts were turning into full time binding, and hormone taking, to 20yrs old women going bald growing their own facial hair. To these women complaining about how drag was mocking them. I noticed how these same women who now would shun our community as they wanted to live stealth, yet expected to be welcomed into lesbian spaces only to find lesbian women to date who they would bully into mock heterosexual relationships and to Id themselves as bi.

To say I was against all of this was an understatement! I saw this for what it in fact was & that it was against every principle that I had worked so hard to achieve. It was transing the gay away! Nothing could be farther from butch Pride & my old school/goth values than living a lie. Becoming nothing more then a full time poser. This was the opposite of the acceptance & visibility I had devoted myself to fight for. I knew this was the beginning of the end of an era where the lesbian community was thriving & that the biggest threat to us was coming from within even before the men would start invading.

It was also what would take me from working within the very core of our community as a leader to later on most infamous persona non grata top of the terf block list today.

This isn’t where or when I decided I would devote myself to this battle unfortunately. No it wasn’t even my breaking point. Because I had my own personal struggles to deal with & it wasn’t my problem to fix if some wannabe Aiden assholes wanted to screw them selves over like what could I do about it. If the community I was working on building was going to fail well then maybe I nolonger I needed to be part of it!

This was my self centered attitude about it all especially after falling inlove with a woman who literally told me she would marry me, but only if I accepted myself as a man. After visiting her in Jville & seeing butch women walk in to their local once gay now lgbt center only to be trooned out in a matter of weeks. Even after that ordeal I did my best to continue my show & involvement in the lesbian community till the drama of the drama kings left me so hurt & heartbroken that I simply disappeared from the scene completely.

I needed a break and my life took a whole different path while the lesbian community itself crumbled in my absence as I knew it would.

What should I care I found a whole new community that yes was toxic and totally exploited my sexuality, but that shit hole in the wall stripclub I found myself working in accepted me the way I was & no1 in there was pressuring me to become any sort of man. Plus on top of paying bills I was surrounded by beautiful women. I didn’t need the lesbian community to be a lesbian & my sexuality was something no1 could ever take away from me.

I also still had the Goth community that also accepted me as I was that’s where I made many of my life long friendships anyways. So even after the toxic hell of being a butch lesbian stripper caught up with me and I turned to feminism to help me rebuild myself. I still had that.

I can go deeper into why being an adult life long Goth was an important factor in this, but that’s a whole other story. I will save for another day. However while I was happy to rage out online for years after stripping. I never had any intentions of getting myself politically involved in the real world activist end of things.

Nan I’m no KJK, or Karen Davis or any great face for this movement! I don’t qualify at all as a respectable woman in the least. If anything I’m the badboi that even other terfs consider too hot headed, to rude, to controversial in my expressed views, plus shocker to none my sorted hyper sexual behavior & gossip worthy past history with women as well as my very brief connection to the porn industry just disqualifies me. Or so I told myself even if I’ve been here against this way before the Matt Walsh’s and the now popular YouTube moms are in it fighting to protect their kids.

What do I have to offer that isn’t already out there being done by someone much more polished, respectable, or socially more privileged with more resources than myself does?

Or so that was my attitude about this as the last thing I personally needed was any more terf drama in my life or invest myself personally if it is only going to backfire on my life or the movement itself. I really wanted to keep my personal life terf drama free & terf online from the comment section to share my views just to vent out. That really was enough for me just to support & help inform those that I felt could cheer on in this.

But then they came for me in the Goth scene & tried to kick me out for terf thought crimes online!

These total loser pervert posers weren’t happy enough destroying the lesbian community, invading women’s spaces, grooming kids at schools. All of which which was way out of my control & my power to do anything about, but I’ll be damned b4 I allow them to takeover my scene & kick me out of the club.

No that just wasn’t going to happen & over my dead body would I let them win that war. Not on the dance floor where I run the mosh pit with my group of metalheads and Goth misfits. Wft do these pie promoting alphabet org paid invaders who don’t even know the music think? Goths are the last group on earth that are going to fall for makeup & a skirt makes a man a woman nonsense. 4 real they picked the worst place to come at me & they have been the 1s ever since hiding from me, cuz no only was I not tossed out 4 “transphobic being a lesbian that knows women don’t have dicks” but it’s them that have to hide from me & my friends cuz Im just looking for the excuse 2 throw elbows at them.

So yeah after that win & forming a few solid supportive friendships, doing a few rallies, finding a key motivational connection within this radfem community I’ve come to a whole different conclusion on this.

Why because who else is going to do the work of rebuilding the lesbian community? Also maybe the fact that I never cared about “respectability” or had anything else out of this to gain & that I myself have never supported this qualities me if not as much, but possibly more so then the popular GCs in this.

Absolutely no1 else in this speaking out  was ever more of a target to trans then myself that simply resisted it as hard for as long as I am. No 1 else in the mainstream of this movement ever lived a life of exploration of gender role cosplay on stage as I did through my years of drag and dancing. No 1 else really knows what’s it like to be a naturally androgynous butch dyke who had dealt with these men in the fetish scene & as a Pro-Dom knows very well their mentality. Very few have personally interacted with these APG creeps the way I have. Even fewer personally know or have meet as many Aidens as I have.

I honestly do not know of any 1 mainstream GC in this whole movement who isn’t on the outside looking in on the side of fighting this (who wasn’t at 1 point part of the problem themselves that is ). Whereas for me this couldn’t get more personal & there just isn’t any1 who opposes this all more openly then I do who has been as surrounded by, attacked, erased, and violated this as I have. I’ve experienced sexual deception 1st hand, unfortunately I can tell from experience what the insides of a man’s fauxgina feels like and other horrors story massive scars I’ve witnessed coming across poolside at women in wonderland with my own eyes!

So yes while  I do know the mainstream voice’s are absolutely needed to win this battle in the war to wake the masses. I’m not looking to compete or diss on any of them (other then Matt Walsh & any other lame MRA who is no hero for simply being a man repeating what gc feminist have been saying for years & using it to promote his religious political Mra nonsense) against women as they are no allies to us at all. No matter what right wing hetfem handmaiden women might like to think. There’s obviously a reason why a man would make a doc to debate with other men what a woman even is without inviting any actual woman to speak for herself.

And this SS will challenge & call out many in this movement who are either completely double agents or selling out the best interest of women. As I’m going to stay true to calling out all the nonsensical crap creeping in & invading our community just like I always have among my own no matter how unpopular it may be.

As they say “Only three types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk, and the angry. And I have enough anger in me for all of us! This is in fact my 1 terf super power & my commitment to embracing my rage speaking the truth trumps all the respectability politics, social status, & money in the world !

Once society comes to understands this there will be no trans movement,

Because the truth even spoken by the worst most hated person in the world trumps all the lies and hurt feelings those in positions of authority and responsibility can use to manipulate you.

We all should and need to put stop putting aside our personal power and inner knowledge expecting those in power or with more social credit to lead society down the right path!

That is literally how we ourselves got here! I myself am guilty of this, but I’m done with that crap. I know 100% I’ve always been right about the concept of trans even before I knew what trans was! Being right about this this whole time & speaking out to those personally around me or in spaces among others who agree with me isn’t enough 4 me if I’m going to get my win out of it. Even if the moms and Math Walsh’s gain mainstream support to end grooming and cutting up kids, that’s not going to be enough for me.

I want back everything women especially lesbians have lost! Right wing men & hetfems will not do this. Like how we lost it, the work has to come from within our own community if we ever want it back! I know I can’t do this alone and I welcome all terf lesbians/our allies to get involved in this cuz we need to be willing to take down even our own if we have any hope in curing our community from the cancer that is trans. The time is now.

2023 is the year of the terf and I for 1 proactively plan to make the most of it!

Please feel free to join me on the terf take back America tour & subscribe if you would like to hear more about my mission to revamp & bring sexy back to the lesbian community! Yes you heard me correctly, because core to why young lesbians are cutting off their breast & pretending to have penises putting themselves through the most sexually destructive surgeries ever known to man has very much to do with the fact these women don’t know what they are doing or giving up! I very much want to be the 1 that changes all of this as we all should worship the V!