My 1st real world argument with a TRA -my ex gf Taya, who later tried to troon me out.

It wasn’t the 1st time I disagreed with the trans thing , but it was the 1st time I had to stand up against it with some1 I actually cared for not just some rando loser clown online I could laugh at

It was the woman I loved & who I thought loved me, but this conversation in particular should of warned me that she was way more into the popular drag king image of me then the reality of the proud butch lesbian that I actually am.

It was shortly after meeting her lesbian bestie and her butch gf who I thought I would easily get along with as two butch-femme couples hitting the local lesbian go go night on a double date should of. But this other butch who was maybe 5’2” chubby with double D breast introduced herself as “trans” & I was informed that I was expected to call her “HIM” & that it was disrespectful not to see her as a man.

Whatever you can picture how that went. I totally eye rolled that whole line of bullshit cuz I found it insane. I ran a drag king show for women

by far more “passing” then this woman & I wasn’t down with pretending any butch lesbian was any sort of MAN. Hell I lived my adult life telling people there’s no men in lesbian relationships and that butches aren’t men etc etc. Drag was just a show/part of gay culture to me & not something that changed anyone’s sex so “why was I gonna call any woman I visibly can see & read as more womanly then myself any sort of man”

That was the beginning of that argument which was taken as a butch strap measuring contest not that it mattered to me if she had passed any better then myself or not cuz I still never would of seen a butch lesbian woman as any sort of dude or play along with that notion. However it was very clear to me that this woman was super way delusional thinking anyone with eyeballs would ever see her as a man. “Sorry not Sorry, short chubby curvy butch women with double ds just don’t sell the lie convincingly well and never will even if she cuts them off or grows facial hair”

So my “Misgendering” of her was taken as a blasphemy & trying to point out the obvious truth that this woman was setting herself up to fail at her goal of convincing the world of her non existent manhood was taken as bullying.

I was seen by many of these women as privileged for being slender & often “passing” in spite not wanting to due to the fact I was a double a cup so many mistook me as a teenage boy for decades of my adult life, but I never saw that as any sort of a benefit at all to me. No I found the whole concept of “passing” / mistaken for the opposite sex to be annoying, even if it did give me an advantage as a drag king & that position of being in the spotlight within our community, but still I didn’t see it until way later as anything more then a show that allowed the more butch women to express ourselves in drag for the sake of putting on pride shows.

I wanted to expand the definition of a woman in society and to challenge the limitations put on woman by playing out the man role on stage & being cheered on in ways all men were. I liked being the cute heartthrob women threw their panties at both on stage and back. Hell if I had my way I would have run the 1st all butch boi band & then went solo as a crooner which is still my fantasy secret desire to become the lesbian Bubble, Adam Lamber, or George Michael.

All of which were my idols I regularly did my drag routines of. Especially cuz George Michael coming out ran parallel to my coming out. I was obviously gay as he always was. I felt pressured to sell the image I was straight to make other happy & I just wanted the freedom to be myself as an out proud homosexual person. I still get emotional every yr after his death cuz he represented so much of what Pride used to mean & personally so much of an inspiration to me.

I don’t have much luv for men & some things about him were def gross as a person while he was very also very generous and other admiral things, but I very much believe few men are blessed with the voice of a male angel & he was definitely one of them.

Now I wouldn’t trade my own for his & nor would I want to become a man, but I could see why some women envy certain men & maybe if T could give me the life of George Michael voice, body, male privilege yeah I probably would of trooned out myself cuz I’m not dumb being a lesbian woman in a patriarchal world is much harder, but facts is that’s not the reality of trans or taking T & I was just fine being the star of the drag show throwing local lesbian events at all the venues that would allow us to run a dyke night.

I never wanted any part in telling women their goal in life should be to live a lie and encourage mutilation of their female bodies or any of that insanity that followed. Looking back I see how drag/gay club culture lead to all of that, but at least even then I never fell for that trap and I’m proud of myself for always standing up against all thing trans trying to be the voice of reason with these women even if they found me rude & I hurt their feelings or whatever.

In my eyes being the only person willing to be real with this woman was my way of extending friendship to her for who she actually is/was which clearly was another butch lesbian woman like myself.

However I sure as hell didn’t like fighting with my gf over her delusional identity issues and penis envy problems. I had no clue how deep into the cult my ex gf Taya was, but it wouldn’t be much longer before it lead to bigger problems like her trying to troon me out promising me marriage if I accepted my “trans self” lol which was only real in her fantasy of somehow becoming a gold star lesbian marrying a female man which definitely was a deal breaker for me. I’ll write another time about how all of that went down, but the cult bs always starts with the grooming of be kind and play along with the pronouns.

Had I fallen into that trap who knows maybe my ex would have been able to suck me into that youth group of hers where all the butches that entered ended up trooning out 2 months later. Idk I like to think I’ve always been too stubborn and independent of a misfit to ever have done that (not to mention fond of my clit ), but I get that sometimes we all do things in the name of fitting in, attention, and love. Many lesbains have EI Scott Newgent who trooned out to appease a gfs homophobic family. I’m so glad I didn’t take that path where she's obviously still stuck in as a true trans believer doing extreme drag gender cosplay 24/7 every single day probably for the rest of her shorted life.

I really believe Taya and I would of had that 20+ yr ideal marriage partnership sort of thing that has been difficult for me to find cuz being the cute butch heartthrob stud that I am sure it gets a lot of panties thrown at you, but I tend to be a solo act cuz I’m not the man these bihets are gonna marry or see settling down with, I sort of don’t fit in with my own community anymore cuz it was largely trooned out & well other things (mostly stupid woke shit). However I guess all the great crooners sing sad love songs for a reason.

No1 wants to hear Adele sing anymore now that she’s not heartbroken & doing well. Careless whispers/last Christmas was Whams/George Michaels biggest hit for a reason 2 - maybe just maybe 2024 can be my “I just haven’t meant you yet” theme song that breaks the “Opps I did it again” pattern of “Toxic” situationaships I’ve been stuck on 4 way too long.

But point of my story years after Taya & I brought up I got the answers to this all in a dream where I choice to live a lie to keep that relationship. It was like seeing into that alternative dimension & there I was celebrating our 20 yr anniversary with family & friends. Everyone cheering on that we were that perfect “QUEER“ couple that made it. I was in that dream like I was prior to the whole “trans dilemma“ very happy with her & then after the party when i had to be alone by myself I found myself balling up, cuz I felt completely empty alone & like I had to erase myself & live a lie to get that. It felt just so deeply unfair & then I woke up grateful that I choice myself.

See I don’t want some fake ideal of prefect partnership at expense to my own self respect, health, & mental wellbeing. I might be notoriously bad at love, but at least I don’t have to look at some balding roided out, sexually dysfunctional manlet shell of myself in the mirror for more reasons then just pure vanity sake or cuz my sense of sexuality is way to important & central to me.

There was just this lingering void inside & I can only imagine that was what imposter syndrome feels like, cuz it felt like having it all & knowing none of it belonged to you. It was only yrs cuz you cheated & faked yr way to it which who wants to live a life bult on putting on an act. I just couldn’t make peace with even the idea of pretending to be a man in the name of love & romantic happiness, cuz that was just too high a price to pay.

And needless to say Taya wasn’t the last coke a cola in the dessert for me either, cuz like I said I had never had any issues finding women who were attracted to me.

Infact the sec actually Taya told me she only wanted to have sex with me as a man (meaning with my strap) our relationship was doomed, cuz it was the 1 of the two times I cheated on a gf (the other time I pretty much knew my other ex Foxy/Karen had a sugar daddy) so while looking back I know I just should of ended both relationships sooner I don’t honestly feel that bad about it.

So in close I share this cuz the illusion of being loved under an act you put on can by definition never be the real love that you seek & that if you don’t love yourself as you are you would be the 1 robbing yourself of that opportunity.

If I find that romantic be all end all “the 1 4 me” or not it doesn’t even matter, cuz at least I wake up everyday knowing I didn’t betray myself & that I can face the person I’ve become in the mirror. It’s yr “Authentic self” that “trans” wants you to destroy & forget be it in the name of the cult, or of fetish, or to make you into a fulltime drag act. And this is why I will always remind every Aiden that they are a woman & they should accept that woman instead of set themselves up to failing as being seen as the man they will never be.

PS No Aiden especially not Susan or Kelly ever gets treated like a man. They lost themselves to the delusions long ago & even though they achieved the tru trans “passing” status which really isn’t true in the eyes of any1 at all cuz the women in the cult only get famous for getting fucked in porn or in Kelly’s case almost dying for a fake ween which only affirms the fact she’s a woman not meant to have a penis hanging between her legs to begin with.

Their struggles with identity are like many of the women who were in my troupe that later wanted to become men. They were women who didn’t think they would get noticed or the attention they wanted any other way. They bought into the illusion that “trans” gave them the best thing that ever happened to them cuz the love bombing, the praise, the money & the fame that came with being of the few trans success stories the cult could exploit to recruit others, but at the end of the day no1 can tell me it isn’t cruelty to have others affirm these lies that keep them from facing the painful reality of what they sacrificed distancing themselves from their own sexed reality & all the traumas they as women are trying to hide behind this farce they put on of being manly men. It’s all an illusion delusion like their manhood that doesn’t exist- what is real is that these women need help accepting & to be seen for who they actually really are.

The same way I don’t want to be remembered or loved only for the drag king act I put on stage & honestly if “gay club culture“ ever really gave a damn about butch women I would of been given the stage without the having to do drag & pretend to be a man part of the culture. Like seriously lesbians being groomed into being drag Kings instead of embracing & forming our own thing really opened the door to a generation of lesbians that cut off their breast & go by non men. Lesbians glorifying men at expense to our own identities has got to end.

& that’s the message this #TERFLEZ rudefem wants to leave behind as my legacy. That as hard as I worked to build up dragking culture in my lifetime I’ll spend the rest to rebuild & strengthen the lesbian community so we can stop trying to trans away the gay & the insanity of calling us straight trans-men & non men can end

I didn’t know then that this one fight would lead where I am now where like then I choice to become Transphobic & Proud of it, cuz I directly have seen & felt the impacts of it all around me. I still will always be that proud dyke that i grow up into that states the facts that there's no man in lesbian relationships & no butch woman is any sort of man. I’m proud of the strong woman I’ve become in spite all the grooming, pressure, social struggles I have faced trying to make space for lesbians like myself to belong.

I might not fit in with the very elitist in-crowd of popular trendy troon friendly Terfs that don’t think I belong cuz just like my lesbian peers I have no problem calling put their troonacy or how they fall to back up/protect women. However it's OK I’m here to change the game & if any1 can stand up to the insanity me against the world if I have too I’ve been built for this battle. Thankfully I have found were I fit among the Loud Proud Warrior Women in this & nothing & one1 is ever gonna stop us.

Here is a few of my Lesbian Focused series

& expect more to come

as well as other important hard hitting interviews with other women who’s voices have been erased as they too have a hard time being heard even in this community & I want that changed cuz it’s time TERF focuses on our stories, lives, & actually supports women. No more attention for clout chasers, groomers, & pet troons who we need to work to push out if we have nay hope in hell of making the world a better place for women!